No One Ever Told Me 

How is your week going? How are you doing with living in the here and now and being patient with living in the tension of life not being what you expected?

Honestly it’s been a bit of a rough week with the Holt family. No one ever told me that being a special needs mom meant walking through their grief as well as my own. As my son has aged, he has become increasingly more aware of his differences, limitations, and obstacles. No one told me that I would sit with my son in the ashes of tears, anger, sorrow, and hard questions such as:
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​Why doesn’t God do miracles now like he did in the Bible?
Why won’t God heal me so I can walk?
Will these new braces make me walk? (This new medical device is for positioning only, he won’t ever walk)

Maybe you can’t relate because your child is non-speaking, but that doesn’t mean they don’t still feel loss, frustration, and grief; the expression of such might be shown through behavior rather than the verbal expression of questions.

This week wasn’t so much about all of the medical appointments, but learning to be present for my son emotionally and mentally, helping him navigate difficult questions, big feelings, and once again accepting his limitations. I’m learning the delicate balance of sitting with my grieving son, being present, but also sharing truth, and gentle reminders that walking doesn’t define his worth. God knows and understands his pain.

No one ever told us this would happen, but someone showed us how.

It was Jesus.

I love watching his tenderness with those he healed, how he spoke truth to Peter, and his love for Mary, Martha and Lazarus. He wept. He grieved. He mourned. His heart broke. Aren’t you glad that we have that ever constant friend who is with us and feels everything we feel? He knows, cares, and is present..here…now…and always.

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.” (Psalm 73:25-26, 28)

This month on the podcast we’re discussing the support we need, and our greatest strength comes from drawing near to God. How many times do you feel like your courage, heart, body, and soul are failing? Yet, God reminds us that He is our strength, He is our portion – FOREVER. He can handle our grief and the grief of our children.

Do you have friends or family members that don’t really know how to help or support you and your family? This month’s podcast episodes surrounding this topic may help, and it may be better received coming from someone outside your family. Let us speak on your behalf!

If you have any questions or want to continue this conversation, feel free to reply to this blog in the comments.