Ending Well As a Mom 

It’s May, a busy month for moms and often the celebration of many endings: the ending of a school year, graduations, recitals, field trips, and picnics. I recently watched a hilarious video of the Holderness family singing a parody song about May, entitled Maycember. It’s like the craziness of December without the delicious cookies and twinkling lights.

As most of you know, our book, The Other Side of Special released this week, and with it was an ending. I heard several podcasts once by Dr. Dan Allender, who discussed ending well, and why so often we don’t end well. Think about all the overindulgent drinking and eating at grad parties and wakes, the senior pranks – everyone going out with a bang. Sometimes we have this unconscious effort to sabotage the ending because we don’t want to face it. It’s both bitter and sweet. (There are four episodes regarding this topic, and you can listen to them here: Endings, Why We Sabotage Endings, How to End Well, and When Endings Don’t Go Well)
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I think it’s especially difficult for special needs moms. The ending of a school year means a summer without structure. We face endings of journeys with therapists, doctors who leave, and nurses who’ve cared for our children move on to other jobs. We’re left having to start over. Even the end of a long hospital stay, while this holds a huge measure of relief; it signifies change, and are still steps forward into the unknown.

So, how do we handle these transitions, endings, and change without sabotage? I don’t pretend to have any answers, and Dr. Allender’s episode on How to End Well is excellent, but here are a few practical suggestions I am trying to live out.

• Enjoy the moments for what they are without projecting fear into the future or wishing for the past. Cry the tears, hug our kids, and remember the joys that brought you to the completion of this moment.
• Flip our perspective to look at endings and change as opportunity for new growth and beginnings. Graduation commencements are labeled as such because it’s the commencing of a new chapter in life. You might be commencing a new summer schedule that looks scary but could be full of freedom. A new doctor could offer new perspectives and season possibilities for stretching.
• Allow yourself to name and grieve the losses. It’s okay to be sad over the change, but take all those messy feelings to God, and trust He will give you wisdom for the next step into the unknown.

If you’re in a season of endings, transitions or change, my heart goes out to you, and I’d love to have a conversation with you (reply to this e-mail). Remember, God has not forsaken you, and try to imagine the future start of something new and beautiful in your life.
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Happy Mother’s Day! May you thrive throughout Maycember. We are rooting for you!